I was considering titling this post “Fuck the Girl Code” or “Humans, the Stupid Species” but I didn’t want to start this piece of writing by flinging insults at readers like a primate flinging shit at a wall. I just did though didn’t I… my apologies, directing personal criticisms at my genus is becoming uncontrollable, like a facial twitch (I’ll try to remedy it by injecting some metaphorical Valium into my brain every now and then).
Point being, as a staunch egalitarian and someone who has never really adhered to what is expected of me as a “woman”, I’m both delighted that more females are raising their voices about the inequality between the sexes and appalled that this is still something we need to fight for—basic global equality. Perhaps I’m delusional, a little naïve or just really lucky (or Finnish), but I’ve never felt I had to struggle with being a woman and always called out sexist remarks, never accepting that I’m a lesser person due to my gender. This notion seems so socially trivial even though I know it is not, since the feminist campaign sweeping across the world is absolutely crucial in restoring balance and normality (whatever the hell that is) to our global community. I sincerely hope that I will never adhere to any gender related double standards, but I’m honest enough to admit that I catch myself out with historically conditioned gender-biased beliefs. It’s unavoidable since humans have been lumped into essentialist categories along with everything else. However, on realisation I choose to reject these archaic ideas. That is key; you have the choice to rewire your belief system and let go of any embedded social constructs.
Regarding this aforementioned “girl code” I still taste bile when thinking about a time not that long ago these words toppled (however uneasily) out of my mouth, directed at a situation I didn’t see as a problem until I was told I should. A time when I was particularly vulnerable and, shamefully, easily emotionally manipulated by females who most definitely didn’t have my best interests at heart. I want to emphasise here that I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a strong support group of only females or males, so long as this support group doesn’t start to demonise the opposite sex. That only proves you have deep-seeded psychological issues that you need to address (an exclusively male start up in Brisbane whose name I haven’t bothered to commit to memory comes to mind—seriously boys, females aren’t the cause of any issues you feel plaguing your gender and if you can’t simply be yourself around females, well then, you really are in trouble). I’m lucky, I grew up with brothers and a sister who are all incidentally my best friends and support group. I make it a point that their gender doesn’t account to any bias in my feelings or behaviour toward them, but admittedly I’m still learning to unshackle the views of learned gender roles. I also admit there are differences between males and females (clearly), but more significantly there are differences between people—some you get along with and some you don’t. However, it’s a damn shame if you refuse to give some friendships a chance because for whatever reason you cannot stop objectifying them due to their biological structure.
It’s also a shame if we don’t stop criticising others which only boils down to the insecurity of the persecutor. Here’s a list of just some of the (paraphrased) gender related judgements directed at me in the past year or so:
Why are you wearing heels when you’re so tall—you’re taller that most men here. (Because I wore heels at my graduation—a rare personal treat as sneakers and flats are way more comfortable. So, I should only be as tall as the tallest grown man in the world…? Well shit, cut me off at the hip.)
You shouldn’t post so many selfies on your Instagram. This one’s OK though. (Because I have dared to post any—being. So. Very. Few—pictures of myself on a currently private Instagram account. P.S. the one that was deemed OK wasn’t a “selfie”, it was a photo of myself with my partner. But that, of course, is allowed. Right?)
You’re more of a man than I am. (Because I enjoy my whisky neat. No darling, last time I checked I’m all woman.)
There have been other comments—mostly water off a ducks back because I won’t stop being me. That’s the point. I’m not trying to be anyone but myself and the fact I’m female is completely irrelevant. That goes for males as well, so long as you’re not harming yourself or anyone else don’t accept social stereotypes if those stereotypes do not align with who you are, and if they do? Cool. There’s no harm in that either. I didn’t list the above statements to hurt or alienate anyone, some being my friends whom I love dearly, I just want to point out the amount of ridiculous criticisms that people spray at each other all the time. I no doubt do it to others.
I conclude by imploring: can we all stop it with the gender pigeon-holing already and give one another (and ourselves) a break and a fair chance. Imagine if we can turn our collective attention to other things like, I don’t know, ending word hunger, global aggression and combating climate change. Oh wait, if we did that some people, male and female, would lose their power and means of monopolising governments and world trade (time for a revolution?) so that’s unlikely to happen any time soon. Huh, what do you know, we’re all screwed.
Side note: my scathing critical sarcasm toward the human race is not meant to be hurtful; I love the peoples, it’s mostly for comic relief … mostly.
Additional side note: As I haven’t listed the book I’m reading for a while I’m currently trying to get through Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra. I’m not sure how it relates to the post above, apart from perhaps we may all be as nuts as Don Quixote in his quest to be the perfect “knight errant” due to social expectations, instead of just being ourselves.
Here’s a massive selfie for my old mate 🙂